Some days, it's hard to breathe.
Doesn't have to be anything monumental that happens. Sometimes it is. But not always.
Today was one of those days for me.
It started normally.
It's ending with me sitting in my car beside my mom's grave. The gnats got so bad that I had to take cover in here to finish this blog.
After work, I found myself tired but nothing else seemed out of the ordinary. It was a beautiful day outside and the kids at work were as cute as ever.
But my emotions were set off by simple interactions once I was home. I could feel anger and frustration building. Not quite sure why. These things don't always make sense. They just hit you.
I tend to share my feelings a lot.
A lot.
To my family and to my friends.
It's never a surprise where I stand.
Yet, even though I'm a very verbal person by nature...I'm also a very private person by circumstance.
Few know my deepest thoughts.
Too painful to share.
Easier to keep safely tucked away.
Tonight, I blew.
Had to get out of the house. Had to come to the one peaceful, solitary place I find comfort.
To see my mom.
I sat on an old t-shirt I found in the back of the suburban. Laid it on the grass. Plopped right in front of her headstone.
Her grave is right on a corner of Ebenezer Cemetery and several vehicles drove by. They must have thought I was crazy.
But, still I sat. Playing some music on my phone and talking to mom. Trying to get perspective on whatever had overtaken me earlier.
She always had a way of helping me through issues. That hasn't changed.
The sun's going down. I know Ed will wonder when I'm coming home.
Time to go.
She's done it again. I feel more centered, peaceful, and calm.
Thank God for the places we can go...where we can let it all out when it's hard to breathe.
My mom is that place for me.
I talked.
She listened.
I took a deep breath.
I let it out.
I can breathe again.
Until next time, Momma.
It is what it is.
p
