Amongst the tears and the desperation of trying to remember to verbalize everything I needed in those last minutes...he handed me an envelope. Said it was for both Ed and me.
He handed one to Blaize.
He handed one to Brody.
He handed one to Bentley.
He had written letters to all of us.
When Braxton left us back at the end of November, he knew he'd be gone for 27 months. That's the commitment he made to the Peace Corps.
His journey would take him half a world away.
How do you begin to say goodbye? He won't come home the entire time. If we want to see him, we will have to go to Guinea.
We all knew this going in.
As I left the airport that day, I remember telling Ed that I wasn't ready to read the letter. Brax had told us there were three separate ones inside our envelope. One just for Ed, one just for me, and one for us both.
It's been over three months.
The envelope has remained unopened.
I haven't asked the boys if they've read theirs.
Beni read hers almost immediately. That's Beni. She couldn't wait.
I had to.
I put the envelope in a basket beside our refrigerator. It's a basket that sometimes holds random pieces of mail, ink pens, wedding invitations and the like. Just the stuff I never know where to put.
So, I put the envelope in there.
I would check it from time to time.
There was one morning I woke up and I felt a panic because I couldn't think of where the envelope was.
I wasn't going to read it. But I needed to make sure I knew where it was.
Still there. In the basket.
Unopened.
Tonight, I came home from work and went right to the basket.
I opened the letter for both of us.
Sunday, November 27, 2016
'Mom and Dad,
I can't believe this day is finally here. There are so many emotions, it is hard to even know what to think. I love you, I love you, I love you...that's all I can say.'
The letter went on for several pages. It took me a long time to get through. I had to stop and wipe the tears as I went. I had to get my emotions under control before I went on. It was as if I could feel my heart tightening with each word. When you love someone, you know what I mean. It's unexplainable.
I finally finished.
My cup runneth over.
My heart is full.
Insert all of the cliche quotes which mean you feel blessed.
I folded up the letter.
Ed will want to read it later.
He may even read the one just for him.
Not me.
The letter with my name on it will wait for another day.
I can't do it yet.
My heart will tell me when.
It is what it is.
p
