How To Be the Parent of a Bisexual Child...

A few years ago, our second-born son, Blaize, came to us and shared his good news that he was bisexual.

He's happier and more self-confident than I've ever seen him before.

He's no longer hiding an extremely important part of himself.

He's exactly who he was born to be.

How did this news impact me as his mom?

Truthfully, as he was sharing his thoughts and finally got the words out of his mouth, I blurted, "Is that all?"

I had been afraid it was something serious!  I had thought he might have been going to tell us he had cancer or had been kicked out of college. When it turned out he was simply sharing his sexual orientation, I couldn't have been more relieved!

Fast forward to the present time.

Blaize sent Ed and I a questionnaire asking what it meant to us to be parents of a bisexual child. He wanted the answers for an upcoming article he will be writing.

He sent us the questionnaire via email.

I haven't read Ed's answers and he hasn't seen mine yet. But, I'm guessing the words we typed might be quite similar.

How do you 'parent' a bisexual child?

Advice is difficult to give because everyone's situation looks different. 

However, if I learned one thing it's that there isn't a correct way to react or to respond when your child comes out. 

It may feel like your child is suddenly a person you don't know because they've had to hide their sexuality. While, in reality, they're the very same child you gave birth to and raised all these years.

I've never discussed, with our three other children, whether or not they were heterosexual and it's sad that our bisexual child had to 'come out' and that he just couldn't 'be.' 

Unfortunately, it's our society which makes the LGBTQ community feel like they're a minority.

As parents, these are just our kids. 

Love them.

Listen to them. 

Defend them. 

Challenge them. 

Accept them, unconditionally, as you always have. 

BE A PARENT. 

I'll screw up while parenting Blaize just like I do with my other three children.  I'm a parent.  I'm not perfect.  

But, he's my flesh and blood.

My gift from God.

I'll continue to cherish all four of my children.

Parenting a child who is part of the LGBTQ community is exactly the same as parenting a child who is a member of the heterosexual community.

It is what it is.

p

Live Like Leo Did...2017 JHS Senior Awards

She asked me if I'd consider speaking.

I didn't have to think twice. 

For Tonia, I'd do just about anything. 

The following is my speech from last nights JHS Senior Awards. 

It was a true honor to speak about our Leo and to announce the name of the young man who shares so many of Leo's attributes. 

Congratulations, Andrew Watret! It was a pleasure meeting you. 


Leo Alfano Memorial Scholarship Award

What an incredible night for parents and JHS seniors!

With graduation approaching, the future is bright and the possibilities are endless.

No one anticipates tragedies in the face of such promise. 

Unfortunately, they happen.

In a split second.

For us, it's been nearly four years now.

July 18, 2013 our world forever changed.

This graduating class may be one of the last to remember Leo Alfano. Some of your older brothers may have played soccer with him or your older siblings might have graduated at the same time. Or, maybe you know his sister, Filie, or his brother, Peter.

Those of us who love Leo never expected to be giving a Memorial Scholarship in his name.

There's no way we could have.

His personality was so large and full of life that we all imagined many years with him; laughing with him; loving him.

Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we'd planned.

“For every dark night, there's a brighter day.”

That quote was one of Leo's favorites and he wore it, proudly, as a tattoo on his ribs.

While the Alfano family wants you to know they would love to be giving this award themselves, the emotions of talking about their son...their brother...becomes too much.

And so, here I am.

If you knew Leo, you won't ever forget him.

He grew up, along with one of my sons, as another child in our family.

Actually, I think our son would have rather been an Alfano. He spent so much time there at their house that you would have thought he was.

Leo loved life.

He loved his family.

He loved his friends.

He lived life to the fullest.

He lived in the moment.

What we've all learned since Leo was taken from us is that there is a 'brighter day,' even in the face of unspeakable tragedy.

Those of you sitting in the audience tonight share many of the same attributes that our Leo had. Whether or not you knew him, you ARE him, in your own way.

You're intelligent, you're talented, you're ready to set out on your next great adventure, and you will make a difference in this world.

None of us knows what the future holds but the mere fact you're among this select group of award winners tells me you are well on your way to finding out.

You're the hope for the future.

“For every dark night, there's a brighter day.”

Reading thru the many applications for this scholarship, the committee was struck by how any one could and should be awarded this scholarship. That speaks volumes! Many of you plan to go on to higher education and already have an idea of your career plans and goals.

Keep going! Even when times get tough...and they may.

We could all learn a lot from Leo...live in the moment, love your family and your friends, and be true to who you are. Everything else will fall into place like it should.

“For every dark night, there's a brighter day.”

The sun is shining on this graduating class of 2017. 

Never hesitate to walk into that sunlight.

Live life like Leo did.

On behalf of Sam, Tonia, Peter, and Filie Alfano, I'm honored to announce this years Leo Alfano Memorial Scholarship award winner is Andrew Watret."

It is what it is. 

p