The one over her bed is dark so she can nap. I keep one on, at the other side of the room, so I can see what I'm doing.
This is how most afternoons look at the nursing home.
Shade pulled down at the window.
The TV is on CNN, with the volume turned low, until I'm told to change it back to what she wants. Even though she'll be back asleep in less than a minute, I change the channel. Once her eyes are closed, back to CNN it is. No matter how sleepy she is, she seems to have an innate sense of what channel the TV should be on.
My mother-in-law suffered a stroke, in her brain stem, at the beginning of August. We had been in Florida for exactly one day when Ed got the call and he grabbed a flight back. What we first thought was a light stroke was actually a debilitating one. Paralyzed on her right side, Janet had trouble speaking and wasn't able to swallow.
Within days, a feeding tube was put in so she could receive nutrition and get her medications.
We weren't given much hope. Given her extensive medical history and all the major health issues she already had, overcoming this didn't seem realistic.
Yet.
Here we are.
Long story with many ups and downs...but somehow she's beaten high odds against her and is in a nursing home, fighting for her life.
We don't discuss it much. What's happened.
Simply take one day at a time.
Remain positive about the progress she's made and leave it at that.
We all realize she won't be going home. But, there's no need to verbalize it.
The day focuses around two CNA's getting her out of bed, eating her meals, having some therapies, and getting back into bed. We do this at least twice a day until the final time after supper.
Sometimes it's shower day.
Other than that, the schedule is set.
After nearly two months of my husband trying to juggle his demanding work schedule along with his mom's health needs, I offered to take a leave of absence from work to take over Janet's care.
Ed is a man of few words. If you know him, you know this. He doesn't like to ask for help and he tries to do everything himself.
I wish it wouldn't have taken me so long to offer.
We had no way of knowing what we were in for and how long Janet would fight. Leaving the hospital, at the end of September, the doctors told us there wasn't much time left.
Ed and his Aunt Esta had a great routine going. They shared time with Janet and made sure one or the other was present when doctors would come in and give updates. They each spent many nights with her while she was in the hospital. Neither wanted her to be alone.
Esta is a rare gem.
Selfless and caring, she has changed her life since August to be there for her sister and for her nephew. No doubt about it, we could not be on this journey without Esta. Nor, can we ever thank her for all she has done. There are no words adequate. We only hope she knows.
The world becomes much narrower when you live within the confines of a nursing home.
Add to this the fact Janet is in isolation, because of an infectious diagnosis, and our world has become the four walls of her room.
We wear masks and gloves upon entering to be with her.
I have to admit I look forward to her naps when I can lower my mask and breathe normally without the obstruction.
Thanksgiving is coming.
I am so grateful although maybe I shouldn't be because of the circumstances.
I've been blessed with time. Time with Janet that I otherwise wouldn't have had.
I've gotten to know her in a completely different way than I had before. I've known her for nearly 40 years. We've shared a lot. But this, well, this is much different.
We laugh.
A lot.
Nonsensical things.
We have inside jokes.
Laughter truly is the best medicine.
We hoard candy in her room's mini fridge. Even though she can't eat it, she offers it to anyone who comes to visit. She offers it to the staff. I look forward to my 'two' Reese's each afternoon.
I've realized, even more, what a sweet soul Janet has. She doesn't feel well, yet, she treats all the staff here with such kindness. I know I could never do what they do. Sitting in Janet's room all day, I hear what they go through. I see it. The care of our sick and of our elderly isn't for the faint of heart. Janet understands this and appreciates all that is done for her.
I am so grateful I've been able to see this. Defintely puts things in perspective. While Janet has lived a life as the care-giver of so many, now she needs the care. She seems to love this place.
Life moves on around us.
We focus on this room and Janet's routine.
I think what keeps the whole family going is the knowledge that Janet would do the same for us. No questions asked.
This is what family does.
Our 'other' life will wait.
Janet needs us now.
And this is where we'll stay.
Thankful.
So very thankful.
For time.
It is what it is.
p
