The phone message from our cousin, Monica, left me wondering why her voice sounded strained and emotional. I couldn't imagine what news could possibly make her feel this way.
"I want to fill you in on something," she said.
I had been at a meeting earlier in the evening and it had run much longer than anticipated. It was after 10 p.m. when I finally had time to call Monica back.
As she started talking, I had pulled in our driveway and was watching the garage door start to raise.
"I've got some news about Rachel."
"It's cancer," Monica was saying.
I brought the car to a stop in the garage and simply sat there. Listening to Monica run through a list of details which had transpired in a matter of just a few days.
Rachel had found a lump.
It was breast cancer.
That conversation ended with Ed having come out to the garage to see what was taking me so long. Braxton and Brody had come out, too, so they overheard parts of my side of the conversation.
After I hung up, I filled in the blanks for them and we didn't know what to say. It's the kind of news no one wants to hear. It's a shock which has your mind racing as it questions and wonders.
I called Blaize, in Chicago, to let him know. I woke Bentley up to tell her.
"I've got some news about Rachel."
Our beautiful 35 year old cousin--the mother of twins--has cancer.
What the hell?
In the few short weeks since, there have been changes in the initial diagnosis and adjustments to the treatment plan.
Now, Rachel is facing a Stage 3 breast cancer diagnosis which has metastasized to her lymph nodes.
It will be 6 years, this coming October, since we lost her dad to esophageal cancer. Roger fought long and hard. We miss him, and all he brought to our family, each and every day.
With the passage of another year, you'd think it would become easier to come to terms with losing Roger.
It's quite the opposite.
"I've got some news about Rachel."
Feelings have come tumbling back.
But, now, remembering Roger has turned into a feeling that he's here. He's watching over her...much as he did throughout the life they shared as father and daughter. He had a way of protecting his daughters and Brenda. I am confident he's doing it, again.
I remember Rach being born. I was dating Ed back then. We were in high school at the time. She tagged along with her big sister. Rachel idolized Monica. Now, their relationship is more than sisters. They're also each other's best friend.
Over the years, I've often said Rachel and Monica are the sisters I never had. Along with their parents, Ed's extended family became so much more than that to us, as a couple, and to our four children. We've enjoyed numerous summer vacations together and can always count on each other...no matter what.
We.
Are.
Family.
We laugh about how Monica and I are much more alike than she and Rachel. While Monica and I tend to 'tell it like it is,' Rachel is one of the truly kindest and most compassionate people I've ever met. She wouldn't dream of, inadvertently, hurting anyone. She reminds me of my own daughter, Bentley, as they both want to see the best in all and would sacrifice what they need in order to help someone else.
I asked Monica, earlier today, if she thought it would be alright if I dedicated a blog to Rachel. A diagnosis like this can be life-changing and overwhelming and I needed to be certain Rachel would be comfortable with a public blog about her.
Monica gave me the go-ahead.
I answered by telling Monica I know it may seem silly, but writing about my love for Rachel is about all I can do for her, at this point. And, I felt as if I needed Rach to know how much support and how many prayers are headed her way.
All the good she brings into the world is coming back to her, ten-fold, in her time of need.
"I've got some news about Rachel."
Like so many who love our Rachel, we'll be beside her to help in any way she needs.
I don't understand why bad things happen to good people. Yes, I've questioned God and asked why he chose her for this test. I don't expect an answer and I doubt any of us will ever know.
What I do know?
We love you, Rachel.
Stewart strong.
It is what it is.
p
