When it happened, I had some true moments of hesitation.
Would I tell anyone? Would it seem so farfetched that no one would believe me?
What if I did share it and it didn't come true?
Would those I told think I was crazy?
My hesitation didn't last long.
The following morning, I told Ed first. His reaction made me realize that I had to tell Tonia and Sam.
I also had to tell our daughter, Bentley.
Leo's gift.
On the night of July 15th, Leo appeared in my dream. It was an average dream for me--bouncing around from one subject to the next with no real purpose or goal. Simply a kaleidoscope of images and scenes.
At some point during the sequence, I looked to my left and there was a seated figure in my view. I could see his face but where his clothes should have been was nothingness. Plain white space. Just a face, who I knew belonged to a male, looking in my direction.
The face was God. "Why is God in my dream?" But as I walked closer, the face changed to Jesus. I immediately recognized the difference. "Oh, wait, it's Jesus," I said to myself. I kept walking closer. Suddenly, I realized it was neither. Those two faces had gone and another was in their place.
The face was Leo's.
He looked ethereal and heavenly. He was absolutely gorgeous. Perfect in every single way.
I gasped and immediately started crying the kind of tears that fall so heavily down your face that it's hard to see or even to breathe. I began choking back the flood of emotions that had overcome me. The intensity brought a wave of emotion over me that made my heart feel as if it were about to burst. It both tightened and pulsated in a way it never has before. I wasn't scared but instead felt the most love, beauty, peace, acceptance, and comfort I had ever had in my life. For a person who has no trouble expressing her thoughts and feelings, I fail to find the words to accurately describe what was happening to me and what I was feeling at this moment.
In sheer wonderment, I took my left hand and reached out to touch the side of Leo's face. I started at his hairline and my fingertips made an arc motion moving down over his cheek to his chin. I stared at him in complete awe.
Both of Leo's hands appeared and I reached out with mine to grasp his and held tight.
What transpired next could have taken minutes or possibly seconds...I don't really know.
We had locked eyes and Leo, smiling gently, looked at me and we 'talked' about everything we needed to talk about. It had nearly been 9 years since he was taken from us but the years were erased as we spoke to each other without a single word being uttered.
Finally, I tried to speak. I have absolutely no idea why but the one thing I needed to verbally tell Leo was about Bentley. I said, "Our Beni is going to have a baby."
Leo smiled a brilliant smile and nodded. "Yes, I know," he said.
With our hands still clutched together, my thoughts turned to our grandson, Angus, who was due to be born on July 25. With the date about 10 days away, I must have been thinking about when Bentley would deliver because Leo said, "The 17th or the 18th."
I had just been told when Angus would be born.
Leo's gift.
Somehow I knew my time with Leo was ending and I managed to tell him I loved him with an emotion-filled voice.
Leo, again, smiled the brilliant beautiful smile and faded from my sight and I felt the pressure on my hands lessen and then release altogether.
He was gone.
When I told Ed about my dream, he said I needed to tell Bentley even if it didn't come true. I had planned to tell her the next day (the 16th) but she and Mason had a diaper shower out at the lake and the timing wasn't right. We left without me telling her. When we got home I told Ed I had this nagging feeling I needed to tell her that day. So I texted her at 10:30 pm and asked if she could FaceTime us. I never do this, so she knew it must be important.
Over FaceTime, with Mason asleep in the next room, I told Beni.
She was overcome with emotion and took a deep breath and exhaled. She said she had been apprehensive, as moms-to-be often are, about impending delivery and this message made her feel like everything was going to be alright. I think this is what Leo wanted for her.
On Sunday, July 17, Bentley's water broke around 10:30 am. Imagine our surprise! She and Mason headed to Springfield and they were admitted. Angus was coming.
I knew I had to tell Tonia and Sam...and quickly! They were going to be thrilled with this dream and with the fact Beni might actually deliver on the 17th or the 18th, as Leo had said.
I was able to tell Tonia before Beni and Mason even got admitted to the hospital but Sam wasn't home. She told me she would have him call me later. Tonia said she knew Leo wanted this for Bentley and how grateful she was that I shared this with her. Knowing Leo was still sending us signs and watching over all who love him means the world to her.
When I asked her why she thought Leo might have said, "The 17th or the 18th," she reminded me that Leo had actually died on the 17th but the coroner had not declared him legally dead until the 18th. So, both dates have significance. I had forgotten this over the years.
While our family was at Memorial waiting for Angus to be born, Tonia and Sam called. I told Sam. He said he knew Angus being born on one of these dates was because of Leo. He said that's what Leo does and it made him so happy to hear Leo was with us all...still.
Leo's gift.
I was raised Catholic and consider myself a religious person even though I have not been a practicing Catholic for decades. Since this dream, I have talked with others about the significance and the meaning behind God and Jesus appearing to me before Leo did. Was it to put me at ease? Was it to let me know I was safe and comforted and that I was about to witness a glimpse of the love and beauty of heaven? I have no idea. All I know is I continued to walk toward them in wonder and awe. I was enveloped in love and it was indescribable.
One thing I do know for sure is our Leo, ethereal and heavenly, was an angel. No, he didn't have wings but I have no doubt he is an angel for so many of us who love him. I now know he is watching over all we do and has become part of overseeing our life plans. He would be so pleased with the way I'm describing him because he was beautiful in life and liked to be told how handsome he was. You're welcome, Leo.
Leo's gift.
Having our Angus Edward born on the day Leo was taken from us is Leo's gift to Bentley. The pain and suffering of July 18, 2013, are now going to have new emotions attached. The beauty and wonder of a new life coming into this world at 4:56 am on July 18, 2022, will make the day one Bentley can face with love for both Leo and for Angus.
What many may not know is that the night Leo was taken, Bentley is the one who had to tell Brody and then Ed and me that Leo was gone. We've been told since that this was Bentley's job--Leo had chosen her to break the news to us. It had to be her. I've been told Leo saw this as an extreme honor for Bentley. Perhaps Leo is thanking her for what she did? However, this honor has at times seemed anything but that. It had been such an emotional burden for her to carry all these years. The gift of Angus erases the heaviness of that night and replaces it with only love.
There's something else I am now certain of since reflecting on Angus' birth on the 18th. Angus' name was chosen by Bentley and Mason because it was Brody's nickname growing up and Bentley is extremely close with Brody (there's also an AC/DC connection, too, of course with Angus Young--our kids were raised on AC/DC). Leo called Brody "Angus." Leo's brother, Peter, still does. I know, wholeheartedly, Leo also sent Angus on the 18th for Brody. A new life heals. A new life refreshes and revigorates the soul. Brody's pain of losing Leo will always be there but this new life is a reminder that we are here on earth to LIVE. What a wonderful relationship our Brody "Angus" and baby Angus will have.
Leo's gift.
For Sam and Tonia--their own grandson was born on July 18, four years ago, to son Peter and their daughter-in-law Megan. I often hear Tonia say Samuel saved Sam and gave him new life after losing Leo. This wasn't a coincidence. It was destined to happen.
Leo's gift.
While I was initially worried people might think this is all too hard to believe, I realized it doesn't matter what others think because I believe it. I know what happened in my dream. I know Leo is around us and for some wonderful and unknown reason he decided to bless us with Angus on a date in July which is forever etched in our memories.
I have never had a dream like this before and I doubt I ever will again. I don't know why Leo chose to come to me but he must have thought I needed it and trusted me to pass his message on.
Well, Leo. I did it. I passed it on.
I asked Tonia and Bentley if they were alright with me writing this in my blog--intensely personal moments are sometimes not to be shared. They both said to write this. They know Leo wants people to know.
Angels are among us.
We have one and his name is Leo.
We will be forever grateful for Leo's gift.
*Angus Edward Landess, Born July 18, 2022*
