Our four children suddenly had no maternal grandparents.
A jolt to say the least.
My mom's death, from pancreatic cancer, changed much more than I could have ever anticipated or imagined.
Losing one parent by circumstance is hard enough. Losing the other, by choice, is another.
I had a wonderful childhood. Some would call it idyllic. For the most part, it was.
I was raised to be a strong, independent person. I was encouraged to fight for the underdog. I was told to try to be kind and understanding. I felt empowered to question when the situation was warranted.
It was that very questioning which caused the estrangement that is now a part of my life. Questioning created a rift and a split from all I had known.
It's been nearly 14 years now. My life has taken different twists and turns. Many of those would have been a time, in the past, that I would have called my mom or my dad for advice...or just to talk something through.
I don't feel sorry for myself.
Simply surprised that this is what happened to my family. I would have never believed it if someone had told me.
Estrangement from a parent is perhaps as equally as devastating as losing a parent to cancer.
One left by no fault of her own.
The other left of his own volition.
Both are losses, in my mind.
But, after all these years, I look back and see the beauty of my childhood and I hold on to that.
I thank God for my husband. I thank God for our four children. People remark, from time to time, how close the six of us are. While I have no doubt we would have been close regardless...I can't help but wonder if our unusual bond is due to the fact we have relied so heavily on each other because of our circumstances.
I don't really care. I only know I am eternally grateful for these five people who know the real me. They love me, even when they'd like to strangle me, and they are here for me...unconditionally.
Together, we've learned that life isn't easy and it isn't always perfect. It throws you curves and the unexpected heartache.
But more than that, life is wonderful. The negatives have a way of bringing you positives. Sometimes, you just have to look in places you've haven't looked before. But, somewhere, there's a positive.
I can't talk to either of my parents anymore.
They are both beyond my reach.
I like to think that they brought me to a certain point in my life and I took it from there.
I love my parents for loving me. For making me that strong, independent person who fights for the underdog and tries to be kind as well as understanding.
And for teaching me to question.
It cost me dearly...an estrangement from my dad. But, it happened the way it was supposed to happen. I honestly don't regret my actions and I wouldn't change a thing on my part.
I have told our four children that this estrangement has made me firm in my belief that there is nothing they could do or say to me which would cause me to cut them, nor the grandchildren I hope to one day have, off from my life.
Nothing.
I guess we learn from our parents.
I have certainly learned from mine.
My family of six is bound tightly.
Completely.
Unconditionally.
Eternally.
Death of one parent and estrangement of the other has taught me the importance of that bond.
It is what it is.
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