Bursting with PRIDE...

I'll admit it.

I didn't know what to expect.

But, I'll also admit I was truly excited to go visit our son, Blaize, in Chicago for our very first PRIDE Parade.

We've been planning this for awhile. While we were at the Comstock's Backyard Bash in May, I asked the same person who made their t-shirts to make some for us, too.

Our kids worked together to 'design' what theirs would say.

I follow an Instagram account called "LGBT History.'  I saw a picture from the 1980's of a mom with her son.  Her shirt said, "My son is BI.  I don't ask why."  Her son's shirt said, "My mom is straight and she doesn't hate.'

As soon as I saw it, I took a screenshot and sent the picture to Blaize.  I told him I wanted those shirts!

Several months later, Ed and I each had one black t-shirt and one gray t-shirt packed in our suitcase.  Our own version of the t-shirts I'd seen was screen printed on the front and back.

Blaize, Brody, and Bentley had their own tanks with a clever saying which paid homage to the popular NSYNC song, "Bye, Bye, Bye.'

Bursting with PRIDE.

It's not unusual to be apprehensive when you go into a new situation or atmosphere.

Chicago has a defined LGBTQ community called Boystown.

I've been there a few times now but, as a heterosexual person, I'm one of the minority.  I've witnessed how many minorities are treated in other walks of life.

I'm here to say that any concerns I had were all in my head.  From my very first visit, I felt immediate acceptance.

In fact, being the mom of a LGBTQ son, I have--what I would call--an elevated status in Boystown. Mom's are LOVED!  Dad's, too.  But, Mom's seem to be even more revered.  I feel like a rock star when I'm there.

Who doesn't like feeling special?

But, the best part of going to Boystown with Blaize is seeing how happy he is. We meet his friends--he proudly introduces us--and I sit and listen as he tells them how lucky he feels that he has his family supporting him.

Those words melt my heart.

Every.

Single.

Time.

Bursting with PRIDE.

I'm still trying to figure out the proper and politically correct things to say. I have a habit of speaking before I think.

Blaize had to correct me a few times before I made a faux paux with something I said.  I actually did say two things that had my son looking at me with a negative shake of his head and an eye roll.  Luckily, I didn't say it where anyone besides my family heard. Blaize asked if I'd run anything questionable by him before I said it. See, I am never too old to learn!

I doubt I would have ever been in Boystown without Blaize taking us there.

I doubt I would have ever made a special trip to Chicago for the PRIDE parade without Blaize wanting us to come.

I definitely wouldn't have had t-shirts made.

It's about Blaize.

We'd do anything for him.  Just like we would for our other three children.

Sometimes, that can take us in a new and an unexpected direction.

I'm certainly not a perfect person.  I try to live a life of acceptance and only share my opinions with those who ask me.  I've screwed up.  I've probably said things I shouldn't have said without thinking how offensive it might be to someone else.

When one of your children suddenly tells you they're part of a minority group--one which is often questioned and ridiculed--your world changes in that instance.  I've become hyper-sensitive to the hate and insensitivity in our world.

I'm learning how to become an educated mom of a LGBTQ son. I don't address every slur I hear.  If someone truly wants to become more aware, I'm thrilled to discuss anything with them.  As for the others who simply want to judge or 'save' me or my son...well, I've chosen to let them live their life as they have a right to do...and I walk away.   

The PRIDE parade brought tears to my eyes.

I stood among thousands of people. We were all there for different reasons.

Personally, my reason wasn't political or to make some statement.

My reason was my son.

Bursting with PRIDE.

I did something uncomfortable for me. And, once immersed in that huge crowd, I felt more a part of the group than I could have imagined.

Acceptance.  Total acceptance.

I am a 52 year old heterosexual female. Instead of sticking out in the crowd...I blended in.

I can't thank Blaize enough for giving me this experience. I understand now when he tells us how life-changing his first PRIDE parade was for him.  I felt the same attending mine.

As a person who thought she was open-minded and full of acceptance, I've realized I have a long way to go.

There's always more to learn and a plethora of ways to encourage acceptance.

I love you, Blaizer.

You've expanded my world in ways I never imagined.

It is what it is.

p

She Made Her Own Path...

Our youngest child--and our only daughter--graduated from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign recently.  She now holds a Bachelors in Elementary Education.  She's going to be a teacher.

It's been a five year journey with many 'ups' and 'downs.'

More 'ups.'

But, the 'downs' are a part of any experience.

As I sat back and watched her walked across that stage, I couldn't stop my eyes from welling up.  She did this on her own.

She made her own path.

When you're the baby and the only girl in a family, it's both a blessing and a curse.  She's not only happily spoiled by her brothers (and us) but she is often discounted, as well.  We never did it on purpose.  But, I have no doubt there were times she felt as if we didn't listen to her as much or didn't seek her opinion as often as we did her brothers'.

She's one of the sweetest people I've ever known.  Always wants to see the best in everyone.  Forever smiling and caring.  It's no wonder she became a teacher.  She's following her true calling.

She started at U of I with all three brothers.  Over the years, one after another left and there was one year she was all alone.

It's within that year that Ed and I noticed our little girl was able to handle herself.  She made decisions and shouldered responsibilities which she wouldn't have done without one of us previously.  She was forced to 'grow up.'  She did it with ease.  I know she undoubtedly struggled yet she didn't let on.

She made her own path.

Ed and I finally had a chance to sit and talk with Beni not too long ago.  We've not been the most attentive of parents in recent months with my mother-in-law's illness and subsequent death.  We apologized to Bentley and told her how proud we were of her.

Life 'happens' in ways we least expect...when we least expect it. I don't know if Ed and I handled everything the best we could.  Whatever we did or didn't do as parents during that time, she somehow came out unscathed and stronger than ever.  These last months made our daughter even more independent and steadfast.  My heart hurts knowing she would have wanted us 'more' yet the positives outweigh the negatives.  I am at peace with that.

I really have no idea what I hoped for as Bentley's future.  It became clear early on that she would do something which helped others.  I was thrilled when she showed an interest in education.  My family has a stronghold in that profession and I'd like to think she came by this naturally.  It's one of the most thankless professions there is while being one of the most rewarding.  I'm so very proud of her choice.

While I will continue to see my daughter through the eyes of a mother for the rest of my life, I have to remind myself she is such a strong and independent woman now.

I can't promise her that her brothers will ever stop spoiling her.

I can't say her dad and I will, either.

Or, making fun of all the things she did when she was little.  It's kind of fun, truthfully.

It's hard for all of us to admit our little Beni Lynne has grown up.

My baby.

My only daughter.

The image of her brothers crowded around her, as a newborn, laying on a blanket on the floor...singing "You are my sunshine" to her at the top of their lungs will forever be one of my fondest memories of my four children.

The palm tree of rubber-banded hair on top of her toddler head.

Fast forward to the breathtakingly beautiful (inside and out) woman in her U of I blue cap and gown.

We love her, desperately.

She made her own path.

It is what it is.

p