A Place on the Family Picture Wall...

The place we spend the greatest amount of time is our home.  So many memories are held within these walls.

Within the past several years, many changes have taken place in our family.  Our journey, like that of many other families, has included multiple positive gifts while, unfortunately, dealing with devastatingly life altering blows, as well.

After a visit from our kids college friends over one Christmas break, I decided to rearrange our dining room.  This is the room everyone seems to gather when we are all together.  Our large dining room table allows for our 'Stewart Family Game Nights' to have several chairs packed around it and I wanted to make extra room for when we needed to add more people to the mix.  We can get kind of rowdy and need space when the nights get competitive. 

Our hutch moved from one wall to another and, as it did, I realized we had a generous wall that looked incredibly bare. I moved an antique picture of my husband's grandpa and his twin brother to the center of the wall.  I had my grandparent's wedding picture along with pictures of my great-grandparents, too.  They all seemed to belong together.  Our past relatives looking down on us.  Our kids joke that these pictures are 'creepy' because they are not pictures they are used to seeing.  My husband's grandpa and his twin are clothed in what looks like dresses as per the time period for infant photos.  My grandparents and great-grandparents aren't smiling in their photos.  We're talking about pictures that are over 100 years old.  Definitely a different time but so blessed to have those 'creepy' photos. 

Our oldest son, Braxton, said he thought we should make the wall an entire wall of family pictures.  I thought that was exactly what we should do!

I see designs of family picture walls online and in magazines from time to time.  Some are elaborate and artsy.  Beautiful reflections of the family they represent.

Ours is not orchestrated or designed. 

It just IS. 

It's ended up with my ancestors on one side of the wall and Ed's on the other.  The large picture of his grandpa and his twin is in the center of it all, as a focal point.

Bentley and I found the word FAMILY spelled out on individual wooden plaques at a local craft mall and she hung those all across the top of the photos along the wall. 

As time passes, I add more pictures.  We've been able to get pictures of several of Ed's aunts and uncles.  We have a few of his cousins, too.  We add a family picture from our family vacation each year.  Our kids hospital baby photos are up there among some of our favorites which mark some special time for us. 

When a new picture comes along, we always seem to find the perfect place.  We let the pictures dictate where they should be hung. 

The only other thing on that wall is an antique clock that belonged to my Grandpa and Grandma Belobrajdic.  It belongs there among the memories.

I have to admit we do have a few pictures of people that aren't related to us by blood but who are family, nonetheless.  After his death nearly two years ago, we added Leo Alfano to our wall.  One with him and my son, Brody, as little kids at Brody's birthday party one year; one with Ed and Leo after a soccer banquet (the only picture I have of just those two together); one with Tonia and me with Leo and Brody after their high school graduation; and finally, one of Tonia and Sam with Brody on his 20th birthday.  In fact, Filie was by one night and said, "I like how my family made your family picture wall...and I'm not in any!"  Guess we'll add Filie to the wall soon, too. 

Home is not only the place you spend the most time but it is the place you find comfort and warmth.  And love. 

Our family wall of pictures represents us...our past and our present. 

Time moves on.  Pictures give us that lasting grasp on what once was.  Our smiles frozen in time.  A moment forever saved by a camera.  We can look at them, again and again, and feel ourselves lost in the memories.

It is what it is.

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Be Grateful for People from Your Past...

I have been out at the hospital the last few days sitting with my mother-in-law and her 80 year old boyfriend following his surgery.  As my mother-in-law and I got into the elevator to ride down to eat breakfast yesterday, she pressed the wrong button and we went 'up' instead of 'down'. 

When the elevator doors opened, I came face to face with someone from my past.  This wasn't a person I particularly ever wished to see again in my lifetime.  It was a person who had made it her mission to do harm to me and a member of my family.  Seeing her, in this unexpected moment, I felt a flood of emotions come back.  They weren't good feelings, for sure.

She seemed as startled as I was but hesitated only a moment before she got on the elevator with her companion and rode down the three floors to the cafeteria.  Doors opened and we got out and went our separate ways.

Having plenty of time to reflect on that moment as I sat in the hospital room the remainder of the day, I realized how my initial reaction at seeing her began to change from those first feelings. 

When someone does us or a family member harm we naturally feel anger and hurt.  Our protective instincts come into play when our children are involved as mine did in this case.  I was much more concerned for my child than for myself at that time.  I also remember feeling surprise at the calculated and underhanded tactics this woman employed to reach her desired end result.

Though this all took place several years ago, I can honestly say I have never seen people act the way they did then and I hope I never do again.  I had no idea people could even be like that.  My eyes were definitely opened to the dark side of humanity when one has a personal agenda and you are in their way.  I was admittedly naïve. 

Waking up this morning, I knew I had moved past what happened so long ago because even though I could certainly do without ever seeing this woman again, I feel seeing her was supposed to be a gentle reminder.

I should be grateful.  And I truly am.  I am so grateful for what she instigated and orchestrated.  I am grateful for the few others who joined her ridiculous cause.  People who jump on a bandwagon because what you stand for stops them from achieving their personal desires are not worth my time.

Cheating the system and using connections in behind-the-scenes dealings, in order to accomplish something that would never be done in the open with accountability and transparency is never, nor will ever be, a part of who I am or what I stand for. 

Unfortunately, it wasn't about me.  People like this woman, who react how she did to my daughter and me, will repeat the behaviors on others, as well.  But her impact on me has long ended. 

I am forever grateful our lives crossed paths.

I know it was a life lesson.

It is what it is.

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A community coming together...

Tomorrow night, Village of South Jacksonville residents have the opportunity to attend a regularly-scheduled Board Meeting.  Unless you live under a rock, you've been seeing Facebook posts and news stories regarding the turmoil that surrounds our small community. 

I have been curious about the online petition that has been circulating on Change.org (which calls for the resignations of President Gordon Jumper, Police Chief Richard Evans and Treasurer Linda Douglass) and a new page on Facebook called My Social Jacksonville.

Today, I listened to "What's On Your Mind" on WLDS Radio and heard Colby Huff discuss his efforts and his reasoning behind creating both. 

Huff outlined the basics, in a bit more detail, and also discussed what he foresees happening at tomorrow's meeting. 

I listened. 

And I listened. 

I admit I felt somewhat uneasy because I don't know Mr. Huff.  I have no way of knowing if he has ulterior motives for leading this 'cause.' 

My apprehension started to ease when he said his reason for getting involved was because it was the right thing to do. 

I like that.

That's the bottom line. 

I've been hearing some residents haven't been signing the petition because they are afraid of retaliation or because they know one of the three individuals personally. 

I can understand that.

But, the real issue is what's right and what's wrong. 

If signing a public petition or speaking out makes someone uncomfortable, that's his choice, of course.  BUT, if residents support the effort to do the right thing, they still have an outlet.  They still have a chance for their anonymous voice to be heard and to be counted. 

VOTE. 

Vote on Tuesday in the Village Trustee race. 

Likewise, if the petition does not initiate Jumper, Evans and Douglass to resign their positions, then vote in two years time for a different Village President. 

Not all of us are interested in being a part of a movement no matter how much we agree with it. 

We all have a right to vote, however, and that makes us as much a part of the solution as if we were on the front lines leading the charge. 

I will be at the meeting tomorrow night.  I want to be as informed as possible.  I feel it's my duty as both a village resident and as a voter. 

By doing nothing, you can become part of the problem. 

It is what it is.

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Spring...the season of new beginnings and a fresh start.

Spring. 

Just saying the word brings to mind tiny blades of green grass poking through my brown lawn.

I am ready for the new life Spring brings and the beautiful colors that come with that. 

Trees will start budding and I can already see my tulip bulbs making their way up from beneath the cold, hard ground.

While Spring may not be my favorite season, weather-wise (I love Fall weather!), it is my favorite in terms of the way it brings forward new beginnings.

It's as if everything wakes up and starts anew.

Coming off the harsh weather of Winter, whether we know it or not, we long for what Spring brings. 

I always feel like Winter is the most trying time of the year.

I feel myself shutting down and begin to hibernate.  Spending any time outdoors is almost unbearable because of the freezing temperatures.  While I love being inside my cozy, comfortable home I still prefer the flexibility of enjoying our screened porch time, too.  Not being able to go in and out, equally, starts to have an impact on my psyche.

As the weather begins to change and nature comes to life, I feel myself doing the same.  I have already started a 'honey-do' list for Ed and I find myself watching the weather forecast each day to see if I can get outside to use the power washer or paint and stain. 

It dawned on me that Spring is not only about these new beginnings, it's about a fresh start, as well.

Fresh start to heal heartaches.

Fresh start to right a wrong.

Fresh start to share your heart.

Fresh start to laugh.

Fresh start to cry.

Fresh start to love.

Fresh start to embrace the season with renewed hope.

It is what it is.

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A Voters Duty...

I am making an exception.

I have mentioned before that I dislike talking about politics. But, in light of the events of this past week, I realized that my apathy toward this subject may be a part of the problem.  

Recently, the Illinois State Police came to our Village of South Jacksonville, Illinois to investigate top officials.  While our Village has a relatively small number of residents, we do elect a President and have the subsequent Police and Fire Chiefs as well as 6 trustee positions. Some of the positions are elected while some are appointed by the Village President.

I have heard rumblings that 'things were amiss' with some officials for awhile now, but I didn't pay too much attention to it. That was my mistake.  

Our local radio station, WLDS, airs "What's on Your Mind" and they featured the ISP investigation in two-parts.  I have attached the link here.  http://wlds.com/news/the-south-jacksonville-illinois-state-police-investigation-full-report-2/

From the comments and shares I saw on my Facebook feed, I can safely ascertain many people were as surprised as I was with the ISP findings.

Lines have been drawn, of course.  Some are calling for the resignation of one, if not all three, of the officials mentioned.

Perhaps the most surprising and mind boggling to me is the seemingly nonchalant attitude of our Village President toward these findings which have been alleged to occur under his watch.

In my opinion, whether or not he agrees or disagrees, he has a responsibility to the village residents who elected him.

There has been a call for an internal audit by one current village trustee.  It is my understanding that the President has declined to allow this.

Why would he not take the opportunity to open up Village Hall to prove to residents that there is nothing to hide?  Why all the secrecy?

Since this story broke, I've seen nothing from our President but dodging of questions and pat political responses.

As far as I am concerned, the buck stops with him.

I am dissatisfied with his lack of answers and his refusal to be forthcoming in the wake of these massive accusations of his top people.

I vote.

I have been wrong, however, in my naive assumption that those elected would have the best interests of the village and all village residents at heart when operating in the name of South Jacksonville.

I don't point fingers.  I don't follow rumors and untruths. However, when faced with so many inaccuracies and questions from our ISP, I have trouble reconciling the fact that 'just because the Attorney General declined to press charges' this somehow proves that what has allegedly happened is untrue and we should just forget and move on.

As a voter, I have realized I have a much bigger responsibility than merely casting my vote for a favored candidate.  While I won't be a watchdog, I should have been paying closer attention to what had been happening. Sometimes where there is smoke, there is fire.

In my humble opinion, as a typical resident of South Jacksonville, I am not satisfied with letting this all drop.  I am not satisfied with my Village President's comments and announcement that he sees this as a closed matter.

But what can one person do?  I can say that one person did make a difference and that is what spurs me forward.  I have to publicly thank our Village Clerk Dani Glascock for first bringing this information out in the open.  She showed a tremendous amount of courage by speaking up and doing what she could to right a wrong.  She has done her part. The ISP investigation would not have happened without her initial efforts.  We would have known none of what we have learned this past week.

While I don't pretend to know what the next steps are or how to go about them, I do know I feel like I haven't done my part as a voter or as a village resident.

Surely, I can't be alone in what I'm feeling.

It is what it is.

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Diversity has many faces...

Diversity. 

It's a powerful word.

Some who claim to support diversity, perhaps because it's seen as 'politically correct,' do so as they 'pick and choose' which parts they truly endorse. 

That's not the way it works.

Diversity, in its purest form, may make you uncomfortable. 

Yet, to be diverse, you must embrace diversity as a whole.  It's called acceptance.

On Facebook this morning, I saw this video.  It is so incredible I knew I needed to share it. 

It strips down what we see when we look at people.  Our ability to 'judge' them, visually, is gone.  And so we see people as what they truly are.

People. 

Just like us. 

Living their own lives. 

Loving that life.

Diversity.

It is what it is.

 

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Empty nest...

The house was full within a matter of minutes.  There were backpacks, bags and laundry baskets.  Suddenly, the house I had cleaned in preparation, showed the signs of our three children who had come from Champaign for the weekend.  An hour or so before, our oldest had come from St. Louis.  So all four are here.

When you become an empty nester you don't realize how drastically routines will change.  How quiet your once boisterous house will be.  How things will magically stay in the same place you left them.  How the laundry doesn't need to be done every single day.  How the grocery bill goes down.  How making meals for two, instead of six, will cause a lot of leftovers until you get the portions adjusted accordingly. 

But, mostly, how you will wonder how all those years flew by so fast.

I have been a stay at home mom and I have been a working mom.  While I enjoyed both, the constant in both scenarios was that all of our kids were home with us.  Schedules revolved around them and our days were incredibly busy.  Because we have multiple kids, when one went away to college, we still had three at home and so on.  Each was an adjustment but it was doable because we still had a semblance of our life as six remaining.

It's been nearly two years since our last child left for college.  Ed and I are almost acclimated to the change.   We have enjoyed getting to know each other again and have settled into our own routine.  But even though the kids don't live with us full time anymore, our life still centers around them.

We plan weekends to go visit them at school.  We plan ahead for Mom's weekend and Dad's weekend.  We look forward to Spring Break and other holidays.  I always find myself looking forward to those times when at least five of us can get together.  If Braxton can come from St. Louis, too, it makes it perfect.

Having the kids home this weekend takes me right back to the days they were growing up.  The glaring difference is that they are all adults now.  Being an empty nester means when the kids do come back, they aren't your little babies anymore. 

This has been the most challenging for me. 

Ed does a much better job with the fact the kids are adults and make many of their own choices, without us, now.  I am the Mom.  Maybe it's harder for me because I have trouble seeing them as adults and not as the people I carried under my heart, my babies. 

While we still discuss almost everything with our kids, I have come to realize I need to step back a bit.  I am free with my opinion and am not sure I will change that, but I am trying to respect their decisions if they go against my feelings.  We raised them to be responsible for their own choices and we need to trust in the type of people they are.  They need to learn some things on their own and have their own successes and failures. 

That's just life.  It's how adults interact.  It's a healthy part of any relationship. 

Being an empty nester will always make me a little melancholy because the kids will never be my babies again.  They will never rely completely on us.  On me.

But being an empty nester is also a wonderful title to have.  It means my relationships with my children are evolving and we each have to find the balance of love and respect as adults.

While I would make them all small again in a second, I embrace this empty nest.  I will continue to enjoy the chaos that comes when they are home.  It's familiar.  It brings back memories of the best of times.

I know there are many more to come because my babies are all extraordinary people.  I just need to go along for the ride and see where it takes me, where it takes our family of six adults.

It is what it is.

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