My daughter, my best friend...

I never knew she would be a part of my life.  When I started having children, I had three sons in a row.  I absolutely love my boys.  I felt I was made for being the mom to them.  Boys were easy to love and easy to raise.  And then our world was shaken and she arrived.  What were we going to do with a girl?  Girls can be challenging and moody.  Girls can be difficult to raise.  Would she fit in?  Would I be as close to her as I was to my grandma and my mom?  I have no trouble admitting I was more than apprehensive when I found out I was pregnant with a daughter.

Without a doubt, Bentley Lynne was meant to be born into our family.  She was the piece of the puzzle that we hadn't realized was missing.  As soon as we brought her home from the hospital, her three older brothers were mesmerized with her.  She was like a tiny doll.  The boys would gather around her and sing "You are my sunshine".  It was precious.  They have all four been bonded since those early days.  She became 'one of the boys' and always fit in with whatever they were doing.  She was as comfortable around guys as she was girls.  That's still true today and I know it's because she grew up in a house dominated by men. 

While Beni has a different relationship with each of our sons, they are all equally as close.  She has three older protectors and I know they would do anything for her.  And she would for them.  As far as Ed, he has been wrapped around her finger since before she was even born.  She thinks the world of her dad and compares every potential boyfriend to him.  It's true that girls look for guys who remind them of their dad.  No one seems good enough because Bentley has Ed so high up on that legendary pedestal.  The guy who finally wins her heart will need to win the approval of her brothers and her dad, too, or it will never work.  That's how much their opinions matter to her. 

My worries and concerns about having a daughter disappeared immediately.  I was blessed with one of the sweetest and kindest souls I have ever met.  Bentley has so many of her dad's traits.  She loves deeply and completely.  She sees the best in everyone.  She treats all those she meets with respect.  She's truly a nice person. 

My Grandma Belobrajdic and my mom were the two most important females in my life.  I prayed my daughter would become the third.  My grandma died before Beni was born.  When we were at the sonographer's office waiting for our sonogram and found out it was a girl, I remember Ed saying to me that my grandma had sent her to me.  That she knew I needed a daughter.  I believe that.  Wholeheartedly.  Little did I know that my mom would die just five years later.  I had lost two women who were incredible role models for me.  But, I had my Beni and I had no idea back then how fortunate I was. 

We share so many of the same interests that it makes being together easy.  The glaring difference between us is shopping.  Beni loves it!  I do not.  When my mom was still alive she would take Bentley shopping and buy her purses, shoes, jewelry and clothes.  Beni was a miniature of my mom.  They were soul mates in this respect.  Today, I try to go shopping with her because it makes her happy but Beni knows I could care less.  She loves me anyway.  It's more about the time together than the actual shopping.  I would go anywhere with her just to be with her.

Because she's the baby and the only girl, the boys would say she's spoiled.  She probably is.  She was the final child to do everything so it seemed to hit me harder when she went to kindergarten, when she graduated high school...when she left for college.  I cried, uncontrollably, when we took each of our kids to college.  I hated it.  It meant one less child at home.  The family dynamic had changed.  When we took Beni, it was awful.  Not only was my final child going away but I realized how much I would miss my daughter as my friend. 

Yes, Beni and I text and talk on the phone everyday.  While I text my boys, too, we don't talk about all the personal things that Beni and I do.  Boys are more straightforward and don't text 'just to text' like women do. If I asked the boys about their feelings, and to go into detail, they would think I had gone crazy!  But Beni and I can talk about everything and about nothing.  We just like to share our days with each other.  I talk to her more than I talk to Ed during the day.  He is a guy, after all. 

Losing my daughter to college was painful.  While I couldn't be happier with the school/major she chose, I will always wish she still lived at home full-time.  I have come to realize that even though the distance is there, geographically, the closeness remains.  We don't have to live in the same house to still share the same things we always did.  She's still my 'Beni Boop", my "Ben Ben", my 'Peanut Butter", my "Beni Hanna", and any other strange nickname I gave her growing up. 

I have been blessed.  Our family has been blessed.  Although we tease her, unmercifully, sometimes...we don't know what we would do without her.  While we would like to think she will always be the 'spoiled baby girl', she has become an intelligent and capable woman.  We still see her as that tiny doll we brought home from the hospital.  The boys won't ever forget singing "You are my sunshine" to her, either.  We are forever grateful she was born into our family.

My wish came true.  I have three woman who I have loved with all my heart and who have loved me.  I know my Grandma Belobrajdic and my mom are loving that the special closeness between women in the family continues.

When I was blessed with Bentley Lynne, I was also blessed with my best friend.  I'm not sure every mom would say that about their daughter, but I do.  My wish for Beni is that someday she might be able to say the same.  I love you, Beni Boop.

It is what it is.

Mom