There's one sign that hangs in our kitchen that is a bit different. At first glance, you see the words, "Go Away!" and might take that literally. Well, I supposed when I bought it, it was for the literal meaning. Now, it has come to mean so much more.
Our youngest son Brody has always had his friends coming in and out of the house. We love it! When he was in high school, his best friends would be here a lot, although he spent even more time at their houses. Sometimes, an entire weekend would go by and we wouldn't see him if he was at Leo's or Logan's. But, we knew he'd be home Sunday night in plenty of time to go to school the next morning. It's incredible to see friends be so close. We considered these boys our family. So, when they would come to our house, they just walked in the door. No need to knock! Just come on in!
When Leo would come, it was always a big production. He'd open the door and yell, "Hello, Paula? King Edward? Where's Brody?" If you knew Leo, you knew he was loud. Really loud. Maybe it was the Italian in him, I don't know, but that boy wouldn't be able to sneak in anywhere! I would always yell back, "Go away!" And I'd ask, "Why are you here?" He would laugh and go look for Brody. As time went by, he would come in and say the usual and then add, "I know, Go away!" because he knew I was going to say it. It was kind of our thing.
Bentley and I were shopping one day (I can't even remember where) and I saw this sign with my 'two Leo words'. I immediately picked it up because I knew I had to have it! When we got home, I hung the sign on one of our kitchen walls. The next time Leo came over, I showed it to him. He was honored I had bought something specifically because of him. Leo liked things being about him! He would laugh about it. Whenever I looked at that sign, I thought of him and smiled. Thinking of Leo has a way of making you do that.
On July 18, 2013, Leo and his girlfriend Morgan were killed in a motorcycle accident. He would never come bursting through our door again yelling our names and looking for Brody. I would never get a chance to say, "Go away!" to him.
And yet, I do.
That silly little sign has become so important to me. I've told his mom, Tonia, about it and she knows the story. I've told his sister, Filie, too. I'm not ashamed to say I still talk to that picture each night before I go to bed. I still tell Leo to, "Go away!" along with telling him goodnight and that I love him.
Struggling and dealing with the death of someone you love takes all forms. There's no correct way to grieve. The road is long and endless. I went to see Cheryl and Lacey at Inner Harmony here in town. They are Mediums. I wasn't sure whether or not I believed in mediums, but I needed something to make sense and was hoping they could supply the answers. Or, at least supply the method of finding the answers. So many things they told me they could not have known. I left a believer and I left with a more open mind and how to watch for 'signs' from the other side.
Whether you believe or not, I know what I've experienced since I have started to pay attention. At first, I didn't realize this could be a 'sign'. But as it continued to happened, it dawned on me that it had to be! I'm talking about Leo. I'm talking about that "Go away!" sign that hangs on my kitchen wall because of him. Yep. That silly sign has become a 'sign'. I am convinced.
It started slowly. Some mornings I would wake up and come downstairs to the kitchen and happen to notice that Leo's sign was hanging a bit crooked. I would walk over and straighten it. Didn't think anything of it at first. Just so you know, there are also three other pictures hanging on that same wall. They would never be crooked...just Leo's sign.
Ok, so I'm a slow learner. It took several times of this happening before I realized, with a jolt, that this had to be Leo. As I started to pay attention, it seemed like the sign would only hang crooked at certain times. Mostly, it would be when our kids were home from college.
I became totally convinced during this past Christmas break when the kids got home. You see, it was the day of Brody's birthday and he was turning 21. Leo had always told Brody they would have a big party at his house for their 21st birthdays and everyone knew it would be a great time. Some of Brody's friends came over and stayed here for awhile. Ed and our other two boys planned to go out with all of them later. Bentley and I were going to stay home. After everyone had left to go out and celebrate, I walked in the kitchen...and Leo's sign was crooked. It hadn't been before. I smiled. Because I knew Leo was telling me that he was celebrating with Brody and he hadn't forgotten it was his big day. I straightened the picture.
The next morning, I came downstairs and the picture was crooked again. No doubt about it. Leo had been there. Through most of break, the sign would be crooked nearly each morning. Leo would have been in and out of the house if he was still here on earth. I know he was telling me he was still with us in spirit.
Since the kids have left, the picture has only moved a couple of times. I feel Leo with me every day but I think his presence in our house is strongest when Brody is home. I told Tonia, Filie and Brody about this when we were eating at the pizza place before the kids went back to Champaign. Brody never says much. He probably thinks I'm crazy but he let's me talk. Tonia and Filie were happy to hear Leo is still around us like before.
We lose loved ones and have so many reminders of them around us. Since I opened my eyes to the possibilities of 'signs' from the other side, I have gotten several. I find it so comforting and calming. For that reason, Leo's sign will always hang on our kitchen wall. I will still look each morning to see if it's crooked. I will still tell Leo to "Go away!" each night before I go to bed. And that I love him.
Ironic, isn't it, that a sign I bought to tell Leo to "Go away!" is the very thing that keeps me tied to him.
It is what it is.
p
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