Parents often view their child's success in sports as their success. As if their child's talent is somehow a reflection of their parenting or of themselves. So untrue. Kids perform according to their own talents and maturity levels at the time. Too many parents can't separate from their kids in a sport setting. We've all seen the parents who 'live through their child.' The parent who, perhaps, didn't achieve athletic success of their own and sees their child as a second chance for notoriety. This parent not only looks foolish to all those around them, but they put undue stress on their child with the unrealistic expectations to be the best. What about doing your best? Individually? As a part of their team? Whatever level your child rises to is the level where they should be. Not the level you want them to be, not the level you enjoyed during your glory days. Accepting your child, at the level that they perform, is not easy for many parents who long for the star athlete.
Then there's the parent who harbors jealousies toward other children who play either with or against their own child. They not only share their skewed rankings with their own child but with anyone who will listen. This shows their children that no one should be better than them and that these others kids are somehow bad because they are talented. How realistic is this for life? Will our kids never encounter anyone who challenges them? Will there never be a fellow classmate who scores higher on a test or has a higher grade point average? When we teach our kids that our peers' successes makes them bad people, we are showing our own inadequacies. Perhaps we are mirroring what we may have felt growing up instead of showing our kids the many positives that comes from healthy competition. This is a huge life lesson that so many parents miss teaching. Kids are easily blinded by peer jealousy. Parents have the benefit of having been through it before and should never allow jealousies to be more than a fleeting thought. Redirect those feelings to how your child can, personally, become the best they can be. Comparing yourself to others is a dead end road.
Parents who blame their perceived child's shortcoming, and elusive fame, on the coaches are sometimes the most vocal. They can be seen in the stands and on the sidelines yelling at the coach, directly, telling them what they should have done, what play they should have called, which players should be in which positions. Often these parents rile up others, who have the same disposition, and nothing good can come of that. Now, I'm not saying I never disagreed with any of our kid's coaches. Because I did. But my place as a parent was to support my child. Ed and I would discuss our feelings in private. I only said something in front of one of our sons once, at home, after a game. That was all it took. He politely told me he didn't want to discuss his coach with me and that I should just enjoy the game. My son was smarter than I was that day. As a coach myself, I should have known how negative such discussions can become. I was incredibly proud of my son and I never forgot that. Negativity can be a downward spiral we have trouble breaking away from. Before you know it, it stops being about your child's sports and more of a personal bashing toward a person you, unfairly, feel is holding your child back from stardom. Do you really want others, especially your child, to see you in this light?
Parents have an incredible opportunity to parent through sports. There are successes and there are disappointments. Things are fair and things are unfair. I'm not saying we ignore everything but the good that happens, not at all. Rather, use any negativity for a teachable moment. It's never wrong to acknowledge what your kids feel, as long as you reinforce those feelings with life lessons about being a good teammate who is respectful and so on. The list of character building traits from athletics is endless. We, as parents, just need to remember that and use those moments wisely. Ultimately, we are shaping our kids, not athletics, for a successful future. Athletics is a mere part of growing up. Our attitudes towards sports will stay with our kids long after that last whistle of their career blows.
It is what it is.
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