Over the years, when things happen, we naturally react in ways that will protect us. It's a human response to shy away from negative situations and from those who hurt us or hurt those we love. I have always been a very outgoing person and truly love being around people. Yet the older I get, the smaller my inner circle has become.
We did spend some wonderful time with the parents of our kids friends. Through sports, we met so many caring people. While I enjoy seeing them still, the times are much fewer and farther between because the kids have all grown. Our kids are all in college (or graduated) and there aren't any more sporting events to tie us together. I miss that. Some of the best times Ed and I have spent, with other adults, have been through our kids sports. We all loved our kids and truly enjoyed being together. Tremendous parent group. Memorable times.
Work brought many people into my life, as well. For over a decade, I coached at the junior high and high school levels. I can't count the number of people I met in those days. So many parents, of my players, I considered friends. I say 'considered' because that was the first time in my life I was truly blindsided by people who were anything but my friends. Now don't get me wrong, I still have many I enjoy running into from those days, but as I look back, that was the time I began to retreat into my inner circle and there weren't many I brought with me. Fear of being betrayed can be debilitating. It's easier to keep people away than risking that happening again. I felt stupid. I'm not a stupid person. But I had misjudged so many that I began to doubt my abilities to tell the difference between someone who just wanted something from me and someone who actually wanted to be friends with me. It's a fine, fine line and I obviously was not very good at reading the signs. That time became about protecting my family as well as myself.
It was as if I left an entire life behind as I moved on from coaching. That's a good thing. Life is about learning and evolving. I found a job I truly loved and met even more people because of that affiliation. I had a wide network of people I knew. But, still a small number in my inner circle. There are many good people in the world, but they don't necessarily become a part of our inner circle. There is really no rhyme or reason for that. These are the ones who simply bless your life, in those moments you are together, and then they move on. I still remember them, fondly.
I left my last job nearly a year ago. By leaving, I lost several of my contacts. I didn't go out for lunches anymore and the social aspect of my life changed dramatically. When you stay at home and don't work, your daytime hours are spent in different ways. Most people work. So those I used to see are no longer a part of my daily routine.
I can't say I'm lonely because I'm not. I enjoy being at home and spending time by myself. There's a lot to keep me busy. But being at home, it's become really obvious who has missed me from the days when I worked and was out in the community and who has not. People are busy and have their own lives, but friends should miss each other and want to stay in touch. Out of sight, out of mind. It's true. No hard feelings here, just interesting that removing yourself from a work situation also removes you from a group of people you used to be close with. It's bittersweet, but it's life.
I realized I don't need a large group of people around me everyday. I only need a few who really want to be in my life. People who I make an effort for and who make an effort for me. The past few years, our family has suffered major losses. Life is too short to pretend for anyone. Do what you feel in your heart and spend time with those you love. Plain and simple.
I guess I may have once measured whether I had a good life by the number of friends I had. I don't need to do that anymore. I think I've become better at gauging the true friends against those who are not.
I'm blessed with the inner circle I have. They are the ones I call or text about the silly things or the really big, life-altering events. It's not about the number of friends, it's about the depth of the friendship of those few I have.
It is what it is.
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