I would also argue that merely saying these three words is not nearly important as showing them.
Since I grew up in a household where we both said and showed the words, I had never really thought about the fact that many didn't...or couldn't...for one reason or another. What comes easily to some does not for others.
I guess you could say I'm an advocate for these words, in whatever shape or form.
When I was dating Ed, it came up that he hadn't told his mom he loved her. At this time, we were both about 17, I think. Ed was raised by a single mom and a large extended family. I remember him saying that his mom 'just knew' that he loved her. I suppose that is true. He seemed to know that she loved him even though she hadn't verbalized it, either. Regardless, I told him I thought it was important that he tell his mom, at least once. We had been out driving around and he turned the car around right then and we went back to his house to talk to his mom. Obviously, since then, they have said I love you many times. His mom has an easier time telling our kids she loves them. It makes me very happy. I have no doubt she loves those four more than anything. And Ed has always been her life. But for them to all be able to verbalize it, it takes the relationship to another level.
Because of my upbringing, I have always told Ed and our kids how much I love them. We make a point of hugging when we see each other and hugging when we leave each other. We always add I love you. When the kids were little, we made a big deal out of the ritual of tucking the kids in at night. Although we can't remember exactly how it started, Braxton must have seen a movie or something about bears. When Ed was tucking him in, Brax said something about being scared of bears. To reassure him there were no bears in the backyard, as he told Brax, "I love you", that night, he added, "No bears and no snakes". The 'no snakes' part came because Ed added the one thing that scares him. It was very sweet! Each night, Ed would tell him, "I love you, no bears and no snakes" and they would slap one of the others hands, in the air, and he would give him a kiss. Braxton would mimic what his dad said to him. Cute, right? I think he did the same with the other two boys because, by then, it was tradition. But when Bentley came along, he changed it to, "I love you, you're my sweetheart" for her. Now, the three boys don't tell Ed the 'No bears and no snakes" part anymore, but Beni still says the same thing. She's 19 and still tells Ed he's her sweetheart. I doubt that will ever change.
As the kids grew older, we began another tradition at the end of a day. When I was little, my mom would tell me "Loku noch" at night. The Belobrajdic side of my family is Croation/Yugoslavian. Loosely translated, 'loku noch' means: 'Goodnight, sweet dreams'. My grandparents used to say that to us and then my mom started saying it at bedtime. In turn, I began saying it to the kids. Even now, that none of them live with us fulltime, when we text at night, I will say, "I love you. Loku noch". Those two words also happen to be engraved on my mom's headstone.
Our family definitely has the verbal aspect of 'I love you' down. We say it regularly. But, I think we also show each other how much we care, as well. It's the little things that actually mean the most. I know it may sound silly, but when the kids are home, if one of them empties the dishwasher without me asking or folds clothes that I left in the dryer...it touches my heart. They've done something to help me out, so I didn't have to do it. That's love. Or this past Christmas when all four pooled their money to buy Ed and I gifts. We have never expected them to do this. Nor have we wanted them to. They are too young to worry about that and we'd rather they save their money. Yet, they got together and picked gifts that they knew Ed would love and that would mean the world to me, as well. Doing the unexpected because you want to and not because you have to...that's love.
Respecting and cherishing the people you say the three words to is the best way to show them, as well.
Even if saying those words is too difficult or you're one who believes you don't have to because they already know, you've probably been showing those words and maybe didn't even realize it. I think when you truly love someone, it comes through. You can't help it. You want to show how you feel, in whatever way works for you. Love always finds a way of expressing itself.
It is what it is.
p
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